by Blogsip Admin | Mar 10, 2022 | Changing Personal Habits
Thanksgiving is a beautiful holiday, but there are many reasons to be grateful all year.
Be Thankful All Year
I love Thanksgiving. It is a great feeling to be thankful for everything in our life when everybody else is doing the same thing. This enormous mass of grateful energy coming together brings up lots of beautiful feelings in everybody. Thanksgiving is a day of peace, good feelings, good food, and good interactions with family. People try not to judge each other as much as they do on different days. Even newspapers and television have good stories to tell to conjure warm, positive, and thankful feelings in us.
Many people celebrate this day just because it is a tradition; it is something that everyone in society and their family has been doing for a while, so they also get on the bandwagon. I used to be like that. When I was younger, I celebrated Thanksgiving because everybody else did, but even if I wanted to, To be thankful and feel grateful for the essential things in life was something I didn’t know. I grew up thinking that material things could give me happiness; I believed that having more money in the future would make me a happy and grateful person.
After many pleasant and unpleasant experiences, I learned that material happiness is excellent but short-lasting. I also learned that daily gratitude is required for lifetime pleasure. So, though I still love Thanksgiving Day today, and I am extra grateful on that day, I strive to be thankful.
More money and more material stuff won’t make you happier. Neither will more recognition, more college degrees, and more awards. You may mistakenly believe they will. After all, it is nice to be recognized for something good that you did or to receive lots of money regularly. But these are temporary. They will fill a temporary gap, and once the excitement of the moment is gone, you have to go back to “chopping wood and hauling water.”
On the other hand, being happy and grateful for the things you have and for who you are NOW will create an unbelievable snowball of positive and grateful energy that will bring you much material and non-material wealth. It doesn’t mean you can’t have dreams and goals and want your life to become better and better. You can still have all of that, but you will only GET all of that if you are thankful now.
Here is a starter list on the path to being thankful all year long:
- Be Thankful for Your Health: health is the essential item of all; you can’t fully enjoy what life offers without health. You may earn more if you wish. But if you have lost your health, sometimes you cannot regain it.
- Be Thankful for Being Alive in a Beautiful World: though we hear much bad news on television, radio, etc., the world is full of incredible people that are giving and grateful and do beautiful deeds.
- Be Thankful for Having the Capability of Accomplishing Anything You Want: this is true for all human beings; if you think you can, you will.
- Be Thankful for Little Things: be thankful for being able to sleep on your bed, to live where you live, to play or talk to your children, to have a car, do not have a car, to eat good food, to be able to walk, to be able to think and reason, etc. Gratitude for the little things can greatly enhance your life.
These four ways of being thankful are just the very beginning. Start a gratitude notebook, and every day, write five things you are grateful for. Make sure to share this with others. Then, every year on Thanksgiving Day, you can be thankful for how grateful your entire year has been.
“Thanksgiving points to a key lesson from the Law of Attraction: Practice gratitude. Counting our blessings increases our pleasure and energizes us. It’s physiologically impossible to be stressed/negative and thankful simultaneously. “Thanking your employees may excite and engage them.” – John Assaraf.
by Blogsip Admin | Mar 10, 2022 | Changing Personal Habits
The start of a new year heralds many New Year’s Resolutions that are likely to go unkept. So beat the odds with these tips for keeping New Year’s Resolutions.
Millions of people throughout the globe make New Year’s resolutions. However, while New Year’s Resolutions are meant to be personal goals that help individuals be better people, unmet resolutions often leave people feeling as though they have failed themselves.
Keeping New Year’s Resolutions can be made easier with planning and self-checking throughout the year. These simple tips will help make your new year goals more achievable.
Set Specific New Year’s Resolutions
You need to establish clear objectives to know when you’ve reached them. For example, rather than losing weight or saving money, aim to lose 30kg or save $5,000. It will help you keep your target in sight and provide further motivation to continue with your resolution.
Resolve to Be More Realistic
Unrealistic aspirations lead to failure and disappointment. So while it is great to dream big, it is also essential to bear in mind the hurdles you may face while achieving your goal. For example, don’t aim to lose 100kg or save $20,000 as you are likely to become overwhelmed by the task and fall off the wagon.
Share Your New Year’s Resolution with Someone
By letting a friend or family member in on your goal, you will be establishing your cheer squad. This person will be able to check in on your progress from time to time, spur you on when you are losing faith in yourself, and help you celebrate your success at the end of it all. Then, of course, you may repay the favor by assisting someone with their resolution.
Take Baby Steps Toward Your Goal
Many resolutions are made to break years of bad habits such as smoking, spending, or overeating. It can take a long time to shake these habits, so begin by setting small goals such as “not to buy new clothes for a week,” then a fortnight, and then a month. By taking smaller steps, you will experience small wins regularly and feel better about yourself.
Reward Yourself for Meeting Smaller Goals
As you achieve the small wins mentioned above, reward yourself for your hard work with something that will help keep you motivated. For example, if your New Year resolves to lose weight, celebrate your efforts with new clothes; opt for a lovely dinner (without the alcohol) if you’re trying to quit drinking. And if you’re trying to save money, reward yourself with something cheap or free but no less enjoyable, such as an hour-long bubble bath and home facial.
New Year’s Resolutions are set to boost our self-esteem and pride in our accomplishments. Adhering to these suggestions increases your chances of sticking to your commitment and enjoying a pleasant, productive new year.
by Blogsip Admin | Mar 10, 2022 | Changing Personal Habits
Pursuing Your Dreams
What is a dream? No, not your dreams. I’m talking about the ones that happen when we are awake. Dreams are those things that we would love to accomplish in our lives.
The problem with dreams these days is that they are hard to make into reality. No one dreams about something that is easily accomplished. For example, no one ever dreams of walking down the sidewalk because that is something that we do every day. There is nothing extraordinary about it. Hence, it cannot be a dream.
What I wonder is, are dreams too hard, or are we too lazy. What I mentioned before is accurate. Objectives are not easily accomplished, so many plans stay dreams and never become realities. We like to think of achieving something complicated, but we shrug it off as too hard when doing it.
Why don’t more individuals follow their passions?
Most of us lack the discipline to make a dream a reality. So many young boys, including myself, have dreamed of playing professional sports. We used to go out on the court or the field and imagine ourselves playing a professional game and making that game-changing play. Yet, when it came to working hard at the game to be better than anyone else around us, we quickly gave up at the first sign of opposition.
How many adults are the same way? How many of us have a dream job that we wanted and pursued, but when the first person in the industry told us, “no,” we quickly threw in the towel and settled seeking a paying job? How many of us have dreamed of looking a certain way, but when it came to eating less and exercising more, we quickly gave up and said it was all hopeless?
Dreaming is ok. We do it. It is only human to imagine our world how we would like it to be. What is wrong is to quit on your dream at the first sign of opposition. M.J. was dismissed from his tenth-grade squad. Imagine if he had stopped in his dreams as most of us do. We would never have seen one of the greatest players ever play the basketball game if he had left at the first sign of opposition. Don’t quit on your dreams!
by Blogsip Admin | Mar 10, 2022 | Changing Personal Habits
Imprecise New Year’s resolutions are made to be broken. Design a personal development program using SMART goal setting for a solution that works.
New Year’s resolutions seem broken: the most popular fail. Yet, they are the most desired changes in oneself and the most complex changes to stick to because they deal with ingrained habits or personality quirks. Give up? Laugh it off? If a resolution is essential, the intelligent thing to do is do a little goal-setting.
Top New Year’s Resolutions
According to USA.gov, the following are popular new year resolutions.
- Less alcohol
- Educate yourself
- Better job
- Exercise
- Weight loss
- Budgeting
- De-stress
- Don’t smoke
- Save cash
- Travel
- Become a volunteer
Readers are sure to have their variations to add to this list, but if they are phrased in this way, they are bound to fail.
Don’t Design a Poor Personal Development Programme.
The above New Year’s resolutions are woolly, imprecise wishes because they are do not incorporate sound goal-setting features. For example, “I want to get fit or get a better job” carries no more mental weight or a sense of purpose than “I want to make six million dollars and retire.” So they will always be on a wish list, doomed to fail because the motivation is not there or the means to achieve or measure results.
If making a New Year’s resolution means anything more than breaking open a fortune cookie and reading the slogan, it must be approached in an entirely different, purposeful way. The above statements could be turned into a great personal development program.
Setting Goals for New Year
Don’t wait for someone at the New Year family celebration to say, “What’s your New Year resolution?” That’s when the imprecise, poor goal setting happens. Instead, prepare for the moment right now. The better the preparation and motivation, the better the chance of the resolution working. If it matters, pay attention. Applying the SMART principle is a time-honored process for goal setting that seminar presenters and personal trainers trot out. The idea may be old-hat, but use it to the personal development goal chosen for a New Year’s resolution, and it will help.
SMART Goal Setting the New Year’s Resolution
The SMART principle means applying the acronym to any project. Make a decision
- Specific
- Measurable
- Achievable
- Relevant and Realistic
- Time-framed
A glance at the list of resolutions published by USA.gov reveals that none meet these criteria. To illustrate, let’s use the SMART approach to losing weight. Of course, some settings may have to be adjusted as progress is made down the list.
To make this Goal specific: set an amount: I want to lose 10 kgs
Make the Goal measurable: Weight loss is one of the easy things to measure – select a date with the bathroom scales. Decide how often and when progress checks will be made.
Make the Goal achievable: If you want to lose 5 kg in a week, common sense says, it’s not an attainable goal. Instead, a more extended period of lowered expectations might be required. Likewise, it is not achievable if other aspects of the dieter’s life, such as poor health, might preclude dieting.
Make the Goal relevant and realistic: if the person who wants to lose 10 kgs already only weighs 50 kg, it’s not pertinent or practical – it is just plain risky.
Make the goal time-framed: This is important. Set a realistic time frame – say 20 weeks – to lose 10 kgs. By all means, set a longer time frame – one year to lose 10 kgs. Intermediate goals and progress checks have become more critical now. If the dieter is satisfied to lose 10 kilograms over one full year, it makes sense to ensure that approximately 1 kg is lost each month.
In addition to the SMART principle, it is a great idea to force yourself to examine progress at particular times and have a failsafe mechanism in place. For example, have a friend circle a date on their calendar when they must demand your results and help you achieve the Goal if you faltered.
Re-state New Years Resolutions as Measurable Goals
The waffly resolution Lose weight could become: I will lose 5 kilos by December 24, 2011, measuring and charting my weight loss on Friday each week. If I find on February 31 that I have not lost a whole kilo, I will seek help from my friend Jenny.
Perhaps this all seems like too much trouble. Nevertheless, it is essential to remember that people make new years resolutions because they are dissatisfied with some aspect of their lives. So what’s the point of complaining year after year and not taking intelligent steps to make a change. This year’s resolution could be the one that changes your life for good.
by Blogsip Admin | Mar 10, 2022 | Changing Personal Habits
We can’t wait until we experience a massive amount of pain to get motivated to change.
We are all conditioned to move towards happiness and away from pain and discomfort. People hire therapists to find out what is wrong with them and receive treatment for their problems. In my experience, clients rarely lack knowledge of what is wrong with them or what is needed to improve. Self-motivation to change is always the limiting factor.
My transition from Behavioral Therapy to Professional Coaching was a natural and concise improvement resulting in quicker and more sustainable results for my clients. Coaching is action-oriented, which always results in goal achievement, whether the client and I deal with addictions, anger management, or obesity. My philosophy is that we devote 5% of our energy to the problem and 95% to the solution. Unfortunately, I have found that therapy is often the other way around, which explains why many people remain in therapy for years instead of days or weeks.
Awaken to your Potential and Thrive
People struggle with taking consistent action – applying what they know regularly. We are all self-driven by nature but have grown mentally lazy due to faulty acquired mental programming. Since birth, we have been taught to depend on people and things instead of ourselves. People are also conditioned to believe what someone tells them, often accepting it as fact at face value without verifying themselves. We forget about our intuition – our internal truth gauge that is available at every moment to direct our lives and verify whether someone or something is correct.
We do not have to wait until we experience a massive amount of pain to get motivated to change. A promising sign of emotional maturity is recognizing when a life adjustment is needed and taking action immediately. Pain is a great motivator, no question about that; There are times when we don’t get a second chance, like when we have a heart attack because we didn’t move for a long time.
Change starts and ends with self-honesty, which is born of self-love. Self-love is inherent; however, we forget who we are because of our acquired emotional and mental baggage. So, regardless of what people think of you, it’s essential to believe positively about yourself. Once you get beyond just intellectually understanding this and come to know this as truth, that you are the source of your psychosis, change starts to happen.
We must wholeheartedly take full responsibility for ourselves and realize there is no benefit in living below our potential. The momentary comfort that we experience by remaining complacent and content causes inevitable regression as growth is a continual process of forwarding motion.
Make a promise to live your best life and reach your full potential because when we live a low-quality life, we affect ourselves and the rest of the world.
by Blogsip Admin | Mar 10, 2022 | Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is key to a cheerful existence. So make your 2022 resolution(s) into a five-point game plan for a joyous and effective New Year.
In the end, Christmas shopping and the holiday party are over. Finally, the New Year is here. But, with just a few days gone by, do you find yourself poised on the edge of your bed, like the statue of the thinker, pondering this question, “what can I do differently to make this year better?”
Here is a suggestion, make your 2022 resolution into a five-point game plan for success in the New Year.
Don’t Live Life on Overload.
Think of your brain as a computer circuit board that keeps track of data. Burnout is likely to occur if too much activity or too much intensity of thought is racing through it. That is too much, too fast, and not enough time to process.
Lesson one is to take control of the flow of activities in your life. Once it has reached its capacity, the general nature of any object or conveyance is it will not function at its optimal performance.
Learning the difference between essential and unimportant activities is vital to succeeding in the New Year. We each formally or informally put together a ‘To Do’ list which often gets cluttered with projects. However, one critical element of leading a successful life is establishing criteria for choosing a project to add to the to-do list.
We should ask ourselves, will this project help us reach a future goal. If yes, then include it on your to-do list with the provision that it can be accomplished. If no, then scratch it off and move on to other tasks that will help us be successful.
It’s your life, and you decide what goes in and out.
Live in the Here and Now
Self-awareness is one key element to a cheerful existence. Although we are just a few days into this New Year, we can plan our future course with past challenges in mind, but we have a choice not to live bad decisions repeatedly.
Living in the here and now is a choice that the future holds the promise that we can act more toward. So, right now, we choose to make the most of life.
We can take the advice contained in a quote by Leonard Ravenhill that says, A once-in-a-lifetime chance must be taken. But unfortunately, we cannot take advantage of the opportunity of a lifetime in 2022, thinking and rethinking our failures and disappointments of the last year or years before.
We can exercise control over our minds to focus on the here and now to broaden our self-awareness. Try to realize the undiscovered country before you by looking beyond what you see to what you can become in the future.
Remove the Extra Weight from Your Life.
If the truth were told, most everyone is carrying old baggage weighing them down, and they need to let go. So in 2022, whether it’s your waistline or a crowded room of stuff in your home, consider getting rid of the heavy stuff to lighten your daily living.
Be committed to throwing out unnecessary and unused items in your personal space. One man’s garbage is another’s treasure. If items in your private area are no longer a treasure to you, then make them available to someone who can use them. However, if they are trash, send them to the trash heap where no one will waste valuable personal space with useless things.
Next, learn to recognize that you have are tools to use to accomplish a goal. Do not let them be a collection of reminders that you either cannot complete a project or that you cannot complete what you start.
Collectors and hoarders are often confused.
Allow for Creativity
Unlike the pants you have grown too big for overtime, allow yourself a little latitude to grow intellectually, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. If you have had a dream for years that returns from time to time, give it a chance to make its way into your world.
One option is to begin by trying an activity or exercising a latent talent that you have always dreamed of doing. It does not have to be on a grandiose scale but try it somewhere. For example, if you have a talent or desire to sing (dance, draw, etc.), find a venue where aspiring artists can showcase their talent. The skill does not matter, it just matters that you leave the negative words of all the Nay-Sayers behind, and you try.
A second option, change your daily routine to have a sense of freshness around you. Utilize your innate gifts and talents to transform your environment into the oasis that floods your soul with joy and happiness. Finally, if you do not want to share your skill on the world stage, find a forum that suits your needs.
A biblical scripture designed for those who do not know if they should share their innate talent with the world should keep in mind, “A man’s gift maketh room for him, and bringeth him before great men.”
In 2022 take a chance that what you have inside is worth sharing with others, but remember the lesson on keeping life off of overload.
Be a Special Blessing
Lastly, begin this year with a fresh attitude that includes blessing someone you do not know. So often, we are engaged with activities and projects that cloud our minds and eyes to the point we cannot see that other person less fortunate than we are struggling.
If you can conceptualize that your gifts and talents have made room for you to live the life you have, then use them to help others. But, on the other hand, if you do not feel very philanthropic to help the needy and poor because you have limited resources, here is a suggestion.
To the people you know, who are having a difficult time, send them a note of encouragement to say hang in there just a little longer. Think of the joy you feel when you receive a card in the mail on your birthday or an anniversary. Pay that feeling forward but add to it the inclusion of people you generally do not contact daily, weekly, or monthly.
It might be all the encouragement they need to press on in a year that they do not think will be prosperous. The idea is to be a blessing to others which does not always have to involve money.
A blessing to someone else can mean being a friend in need. And that’s an excellent New Year’s resolution to have, be a friend to someone, like never before.
by Blogsip Admin | Mar 10, 2022 | Self-Awareness
New Year’s seems to be the rare time we hear the word “resolution,” but we make and break them daily. Learn how resolutions should act.
A new year has come, reviving the cheerful hum of New Year’s resolutions once again. I have always enjoyed making New Year’s resolutions because setting goals and writing them down with a fresh new start makes my visions more tangible. But my enjoyment and practice of goal making didn’t start with New Year’s. As I think about my goals for the New Year, I realize that all of them have nothing to do with the New Year but with what I have long seen in myself. These resolutions are simply an outgrowth of the continuous self-examination I always try to practice. Hence my solutions are of much greater significance than a passing thought during New Year’s Eve parties or a suggested one I read on the Internet.
See how others see changing their lives this year. Still, instead of giving you the “Top Ten New Year’s Resolutions,” I suggest thinking about how you might want to choose resolutions and how you can view those choices for the new year and beyond.
Redefining
A “strong decision to do or not do anything” is a “resolution.” Unfortunately, with the high failure rate of New Year’s resolutions, the word’s original definition is now a joke.
People don’t have to make firm decisions about what to do or not do on New Year’s Day. It may be better NOT to make them during that time at all. This is a great tradition. Making goals to enact positive change is good, yet they shouldn’t come out of anywhere.
You will not achieve your goals if, deep down, they are unimportant to you. For example, “reduce weight.” It would be nice to “get organized,” and it would be nice to “fall in love,” but the question now is, why now and why you? What is your motivation for change? A new calendar year? Shouldn’t changes be more than seasonal bragging rights? Shouldn’t they be made because you have come to a point when you recognize that you need to change for your well-being?
Take Time to Reflect
It requires some deep self-examination. One will make goals deeply connected to who they are if they take the time to recall what is most important in life. So take a step back from the noisemakers and champagne to find some time to deeply reflect on where you are in your life: where you have been, where you are going, or where you hope to be. Then, daily, weekly, monthly, or annual resolutions may be set.
Doing this every week is even more beneficial. Taking some downtime for yourself after the busy work week is essential for our mental, physical and spiritual health. Consider who you are, your life, and your goals. How can you use your daily time more wisely to achieve those goals? The more self-aware we are, the more daily tasks we must perform a higher plan and purpose for our life.
Many people choose to quit a disgusting habit for the New Year, such as smoking. So, January 1st rolls around, and they decide, that’s it, I’ve quit smoking for good? One needs to ask, what has kept them from leaving the habit before? How did they start? Reflection of this nature takes the psychological and motivational factors into account. Once we target these, we may develop many smaller resolutions to heal the mind barriers or distractions holding us back.
What’s Most Important?
While reflecting on our most cherished goals, we may find that having more “stuff” or doing more “things” is an unfulfilling goal. So instead of overthinking revamping your wardrobe, how about updating your human relationships and quality of life? For example, think about how you treat others. Are you respectful, patient, kind, angry, superficial, or arrogant? So often, the “little” things, like how we conduct ourselves, become the “big” things and even keep us from achieving those resolutions.
Concluding the Matter
Make sure your resolution holds significance to you beyond the calendar. New Year’s Day is certainly not a sufficient motivation. Look at the big picture, and be true to your values. It would be better to make no New Year’s resolution than to make one you would never achieve because you read it off the Internet. One of my “resolutions” is to make non-New year’s resolutions for the record.
by Blogsip Admin | Mar 10, 2022 | Self-Awareness
Reflection is the most important thing about writing in a personal journal. So when creating your journal, make it inviting and inspiring.
Why start a personal journal?
Keeping a personal journal has proven to be an effective tool in problem-solving, personal growth, record keeping. Moreover, it can be an enjoyable hobby if you are willing to keep it simple. So, where to begin?
How should I format it?
You may maintain a journal in numerous ways. A journal can be as simple as a sheet of lined paper (or blank if you prefer), a pen, and your thoughts written down. A serial can also be via an online blog system such as:
WordPress: This is an open-sourced, PHP-based blog system. It is available to download at WordPress.org to host on your server, or you can have a free blog at WordPress.com.
Blogger: Google’s a free weblog publishing tool. Google offers a tour of Blogger’s features here.
It is not an exclusive list of available blogging platforms and the format, whether online or offline, is entirely your choice.
If you select an online journal, keep this in mind.
Please keep in consideration if you choose to write a personal journal online in the form of a blog (an online journal), your posts will be public, and your privacy will be at risk. Another critical thought to consider is the internet does not forget. Search engines compile links, and they remain archived forever.
Tips to keep you on track
- Suppose you traditionally chose to keep a personal journal (I.e., hardbound book, notebook, binder, etc.), then keep it private. Keeping it confidential will allow you to write without fear of judgment or criticism from others.
- Write in your journal daily. If you lack inspiration or a topic to write about, use a search engine to find a variety of journal topic prompts. Prompts will give you either question format starters or incomplete sentences to expand on.
- Proper English, grammar, and spelling do not matter in your journal. Write freely, thoughtlessly, and include all the slang and abbreviations that make your soul smile.
- Make your journal personal. Write in your favorite quotes, list your favorite childhood movies, and describe your first kiss. You could also clip inspiring pictures from magazines and paste them in your journal, decorate the cover, or use various scrapbooking kits to make the journal unique to you.
Keeping a personal notebook is all about introspection. Being able to flip the pages back to the first entry you made and reflect on that day, the circumstances surrounding you, smile at accomplishments or enjoy a grand moment in your life.
How do I start a journal?
Traditional Journal
- Loose-leaf paper, a binder, and pens
- Spiral notebook
- Composition book
Online Format Journal
Ideas to make your traditional journal creatively all about you
- Purchase a scrapbooking kit of choice and decorate the pages throughout your journal to express your personality.
- Make colored copies of some of your favorite family photos and paste them throughout your journal in spontaneous places.
- Draw and/or doodle in your journal.
- Open random pages and place a series of question prompts for you to complete later.
- Open random pages and place your favorite quotes, scriptures, and/or psalms to reflect on later.
- Include various lists about all your favorite things in life. Repeat the list a year later and see if anything has changed.
Make your diary cozy, welcoming, and motivating. Allow it to be your confidant, friend, and place to share all your thoughts freely. Good luck with your personal journal experience.
by Blogsip Admin | Mar 10, 2022 | Self-Awareness
By re-framing our concept of abuse, we can see that we are not victims of another’s trespasses but co-creators of experiences that help us grow.
American females are sexually molested 1 in 4 before they turn 18. In addition, this nation has 39 million survivors of sexual assault, most of whom will remain anonymous.
The effects of sexual abuse and assault may be far-reaching and subtle. Every two minutes, an adult woman is raped in America.
It’s reported that seventy to eighty percent of survivors of sexual abuse will use drugs and alcohol excessively. And research has shown that females who have been abused are more likely to suffer from eating disorders, confusion about their sexual identity, poor sex life, and relations with men.
These are external signifiers of inner conditions of low self-esteem, guilt, shame, and self-consciousness that survivors of abuse will often feel. For example, Mary Anne Cohen, the director of the New York Center for Eating Disorders, describes sexual abuse as a violation of the boundaries of the self.
In the instance of a child experiencing abuse, the perpetrator gains power over the victim through the act of abuse. The child, rendered helpless through a violation by someone in a more dominant position, will often spend their lives recreating vulnerable situations or trying to manipulate their external environments excessively. Such as their weight or appearance—to gain a feeling of control or power loss in their early years.
Ending Victimhood
But referring to an abuse survivor as a ‘victim’ is to reaffirm that state continually. In his book Wisdom of the Self‘, Paul Ferrini believes that every instance of abuse is an opportunity for healing for both perpetrator and victim. His stance is that we all enter this world with a certain degree of inadequacy about who we are and that “our self-doubt attracts to our relationships in which that doubt can be made conscious and explicit.”
He claims that this is not to say a child can be held responsible for acts of abuse against them, but that to heal, she must own the experience because it happened to her. It happened so that she could heal deep-rooted pain and self-loathing within her and provide her with the opportunity to learn forgiveness.
By re-framing her pain situation as an opportunity to gain empowerment, she can then go on to empower others through her experience.
Ferrini elaborates by saying that “whatever hidden beliefs or assumptions we have about ourselves will be externalized in our relationships. Everything that happens outside of us reflects an inner state.” Thus by recognizing our role as co-creators of our experience, however unpleasant that may seem, we acknowledge that we are nobody’s victim.
Forgiveness for Perpetrators of Abuse
Ferrini proposes that to find true healing, we must throw out the model of the innocent and guilty. Both parties’ abuse comes about from a shared motivation—the perpetrator is acting out from his feelings of self-hatred. To truly forgive, Ferrini believes we have to come from a stance of equality and recognize that all of us have been a perpetrator at some point in our lives.
By recognizing the darkness in ourselves, only then can we begin to comprehend darkness in others and find compassion for their suffering. Releasing oneself from the burden of condemnation of another is one of the most self-empowering acts. By re-framing the concept of perpetrator and victim to one where we are all on an equal playing field learning from our individual experiences, we see that every occasion is an opportunity for all sides to find greater wholeness and true healing within.
by Blogsip Admin | Mar 10, 2022 | Self-Awareness
When making judgments, separate fact from opinion. However, unconscious biases, prejudices, and paradigms dominate our conscious reasoning.
Everyone has a limited worldview. The reason? Our brains can’t process everything, at least not consciously.
An Experiment
This idea is relatively simple to demonstrate. First, choose a partner: a spouse, a friend, anyone who will cooperate. Then, before revealing the purpose of the experiment, each looks around the present environment, a room, a garden, etc., and mentally records anything green. After that, have your partner close their eyes and relate everything they saw that was red. It will be difficult because the partner spent their energy focusing on green.
The point demonstrated by this experiment is that we tend to see what we want to see.
Bounded Judgements
The result of selective viewing is personal biases (e.g., inclined to one side of an issue), prejudices (e.g., judgments without due examination), and paradigms (e.g., patterns which influence how we view a situation: big is better; small is better).
To demonstrate paradigms further, the concept popularized by American psychologist Joel Barker (that everything that happens to us is processed by our brain and related to our own life experiences), let me refer to myself. I’m a geographer. I’m well aware that different people may view a forest differently than I do, depending on their paradigms. For example, a hunter will see a forest as an excellent place to hunt game. A forester will assess a forest for its resource potential. A farmer will consider the forest an obstacle that must be cleared before the land can be used for field crops. A city dweller may appreciate the forest for its natural beauty. A geographer, as an integrator, will consider all views. Each person will have a different paradigm about forests.
Now, stop reading and look at yourself: list any personal biases, prejudices, or paradigms you think you may have; perceptions based on your experiences and your parents, teachers, church, etc. They are essential to know because they affect your decisions.
As pointed out by the administration of Cite Man, “A growing amount of research shows that decision-makers assessments are prone to systematic biases and mistakes. These are initiatives to speed up decision-making.” They further point out that, “to minimize effort and avoid difficult trade-offs,” people rely too heavily on:
- experience
- emotions
- hunches
- handy thumb rules
Katherine L. Milkman of Harvard and her colleagues call this “bounded judgments,” or System 1 or Intuitive (fast, automatic and subconscious), in contrast to System 2 or reasoned (slow, conscious, logical) cognitive functioning.
The Issue of Subjectivity
We must be aware, not just of our own biases and prejudices but also of the viewpoints of others that influence our thinking.
The more we analyze media, for instance, the more we realize that all viewpoints and perspectives are, to some degree, biased. As viewers, we must acknowledge these prejudices. Only then can we understand and evaluate critical issues that require reasoned decisions.
In investigating any issue, for instance, we come across various information. In evaluating it, we must first analyze its subjective (opinion) or objective (factual), whether reporting facts or expressing the writer’s personal bias.
The Ratio of Facts to Opinions
Factual articles are those with substantiated evidence. They provide us with objective reporting, which allows us to form our conclusions. Editorials, in contrast, are generally based on the writer’s opinion. As such, they are subjective; they have biases.
When analyzing information to determine its level of objectivity, the following is a valuable set of steps:
- Read an article once to gain a sense of the author’s perspective;
- Reread and highlight all the facts (e.g., citations, recognized fact) in one color;
- Reread it, but this time underline any viewpoints (e.g., value judgments).
- Count up the number of points and express this as a ratio to the number of opinions
It will tell you if an article is objective or subjective:
- the more significant the ratio of facts to opinions, the more accurate it is;
- if views far outweigh the points, the piece is highly biased.
Rate this article, or perhaps the Cite Man article referenced above, if you are so inclined.
How to Make Better Choices
Boosting decision-making: How can people work at removing biases from their decision-making? Milkman and her colleagues suggest the following:
- Preferences should be able to move and not be affected by small changes in context.
- Revealed preferences (offered warnings of bias) should be consistent with stated preferences (stating direction of bias);
- Mathematical errors should not systematically arise;
- A decision-maker should be happy with their conclusion after calmly reflecting on it.
- An ideal decision is one that a decision-maker would approve of, whether their own or someone else’s.
